Time for Honesty 

Oh man. 2 posts in a week??!! What is happening? 

Before I start on this week, a friend of mine commented on the last post I made about self-care. He reminded me of the scriptures that talk about Jesus going away by himself to pray. What a perfect example!! Jesus is modeling self-care. He is stepping away from all the people and doing something that fills and heals his heart. Awesome. 

Okay, here we go:

Hi. My name is Sarah… and I’m a Martha. There. I’ve said it. I like to do things. I like to stay active. I like to feel accomplished at the end of the day. It’s where I find my value. I like to do everything (because I enjoy it) and then silently hold it over people in my head. After things have been done, I’m the one sitting in the corner thinking, “I did literally EVERYTHING today and you’re complaining about (insert thing here).” It’s a horrible character trait and I want to change it. 

However, I don’t want to change being a Martha. Marthas are planners. We are movers. We keep the world running. We are the people in your staff meeting that are ready to say, “okay. I’ve heard the problem. Let’s sit down and start planning and get to it. Let’s fix this problem to make this work more efficiently.” Marthas rarely go to their bosses with problems that they don’t already have a fix for and IF … big IF they go at all, they go because it’s their last resort. Marthas dislike complainers. Stop complaining about it and DO something. If you’re not willing to do something, then you have no right to complain. (Not saying it’s right… just putting my thoughts down.”)

It’s that way for me at least. I don’t like coming across as a complainer so if I go to someone with a problem… I probably have an answer, too… because I want you to know that I’ve already figured it out, or that I’ve tried and I’m not just coming to you with a problem. It’s pride. It’s selfish. It’s low-confidence at its core. It’s needing validation through people. And it’s wrong. 

I often find myself bitter about all the things I’ve done in a day… like I’m mad because I think I’m the only one that has worked hard? My train of thought is something like … if I get all these things done, then at the end of the day I’ll truly be able to sit down and relax. I’ll be able to enjoy time with friends and family. I’ll be able to enjoy worship on Sunday because I can come home to a clean house. I’ll be able to really just breathe because I can’t turn my brain off unless these things are finished. I won’t be able to see the beauty of my life UNTIL I have checked all the boxes. That. Is. A. Lie. And I know exactly where/who that’s coming from. 

That is a lie, a non-truth, bull, twisted words, that has been planted in my soul that I have to struggle DAILY to dig out. It is SO HARD for me to do that, but it’s worth it. How could I possibly believe that my life will be more relaxing, more worth-living, more beautiful if all of the chores are done? I mean… have you seen this face … 

Luke 10:38-42 (NIV) says that Martha was DISTRACTED and wanting VALIDATION. (Oh, hello me.) She asked Jesus… are you kidding me? I’m in here doing all of this by myself. Can you PLEASE tell Mary to come here? And what does Jesus say? (Obviously a paraphrase) 
“Martha, Martha. You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her.”

Dang. First the double name. I usually dislike when people put a tone on Jesus’ words or a facial expression, but sometimes it just pops into your head and you can’t shake it. For me, I hear a small smile and a gentle shake of the head when Jesus says, “Martha, Martha.” Then he says that Mary has chosen the more important thing and says this phrase … “it will not be taken away from her.” 

Let me tell you what I think of every time I read that phrase. At night before I go to bed, I try to wash dishes and put Selah’s toys away. Doesn’t always happen, but I try. I get up the next morning and leave the house, come back home and what has happened? The sink is full and Baby Girl’s toys are out. AGAIN. How did that happen?!? 

That sense of calm and importance and validation (there’s that word again) is completely gone and I have to clean it all up again. When I read “it will not be taken away from her” I am reminded of the scripture of the woman at the well and Jesus telling her that HIS water will quench her thirst forever. That she is searching for her worth and for satisfaction all in the wrong places. I am reminded that when I search for my worth in anyone or anything other than Jesus, then any satisfaction I have received from that will be taken from me. It will disappear because the source is not an eternal source. It will disappear and I will have to keep working to get it back again. 

I pray that, as a Martha, I will be able to see those moments, hours, and days of worship that Jesus has laid out for me. That I will learn to use my drive to get things done for the benefit of others and not myself. That I will learn to let Jesus control that drive. And, finally, when I feel something or someone tugging on my heart, that I will have the strength… or maybe submission… to put down the toys or dishes and turn and open my eyes, ears and heart to them.

Love and Peace. 


I Should Be Asleep, But…

It’s close to 11pm and I should definitely be asleep. Most of the time, my mornings start at 5:15am. My alarm goes off, I literally tuck and roll out of bed, open the door SO SO slowly, tiptoe past a sleeping baby and creep upstairs. I have workout clothes already upstairs. I change my clothes, I put headphones in, turn on a podcast and start my workout. This morning’s workout had a bunch of jumping-type things…plank jacks (a jumping jack on the floor in plank position), high knee skips, half burpees (… a half of a burpee?), more more high knee skips, alternating side lunges, again, high knee skips, and frog jumps (kill me). So, every time I would land back down on the floor I honestly was basically trying to be cat woman and not making a sound since baby and husband were still asleep right below me.

I finished the workout, emptied and re-loaded the dishwasher, went back downstairs, got a shower, got dressed, minimal makeup, went back upstairs, fixed a bottle for baby girl, came down to get her at 7am, told hubby I was leaving in 15 minutes so I needed to him to at least come lay on the couch with one eye open while baby girl played, took said baby upstairs, gave her a bottle and half a banana, packed my own lunch, hubby came upstairs, I kissed both hubby and baby and literally ran out the door. Somewhere in all that is a post-workout drink that is AMAZING (thank you Ashley S!!).

The day did not stop there. Today was non-stop rehearsing. Middle school kids have a concert in about a week so we are learning how to stand on risers and keep our hands to ourselves. It’s a LOT harder than it sounds. In fact, I’m pretty sure most adults couldn’t do that for an hour and half… which is what my students did today. They BLEW ME OUT OF THE WATER. They did soooo well and it was so encouraging to know that they were listening. Now… by next Tuesday, who knows what they’ll be doing, BUT they did it today and that’s a victory, right??!!

This week will not stop after today. Tonight I had a musicianship class that I teach in Charlotte, tomorrow after school is a meeting, Wednesday is a football duty and church choir, Thursday is parent/teacher conferences until 7pm. It’s just going to be one of those weeks. Every time this happens, the song “Mama Said” by the Shirelles pops in my head. You know the one…

“Mama said there’ll be days like this, there’ll be days like this Mama said…”

So, what did I do this afternoon after having only been at home for 1 1/2 hours only to leave again? I called my mom on my way to Charlotte and cried over the phone. She patiently and calmly listened, as she always does, and said… “If I could change it I would. I’m so sorry.” That’s all I needed, but I decided to call my BFF anyways. She did the same. She empathized, calmly listened, said “that sucks” after everything which immediately validated me. (Good friends will do that, even when you’re complaining about stupid things). And then she did something so important… She reminded me about Self-Care. I’ll say it again y’all cuz it needs to be said… Self. Care. She said… do something fun this weekend, but something that isn’t going to be difficult. Even if you’re going out to a “thing” that “thing” can become just one more thing you’ve got to check off your list. Have a movie day at home. Go get some coffee with baby. Do something simple and relaxing.

During my morning workouts, I listen to podcasts. Sometimes it’s the news, sometimes it’s this podcast called “Lore.” It’s creepy folklore type stories and I absolutely love it. This morning, however, I was listening to a podcast called “Risen Motherhood.” (Thanks again Ashley S!!). It’s just two moms, sitting down, talking about how life is tough sometimes being a mom, but how we need to continue to remind ourself what being a “Godly” mother actually means. Where do we find our worth as moms, females, wives, human beings? Do we find our worth in how many things we can accomplish in each day? In the amount of time we spend with our child(ren) OR… do we find our worth ALONE in Jesus Christ? The two podcasts I listened to this morning were talking about postpartum bodies(a different post for another day) and confidence AND… you guessed it… Self-Care. You don’t have to be a Mama to get this, so hang with me…

They were discussing how Self-Care can be perceived one of two ways. The first one is some people look at other people who talk about self-care and they immediately think that that person is being selfish. That they are ONLY looking out for themselves. That they are taking time away from their day to do something that only they want to do. The second way, and, according to the women in this podcast, the better way, of looking at and acting out self care is to do it as a way of “refilling your cup.” Do we do self-care as a way of saying, “I’ve had a crappy day… I deserve a glass of wine. I deserve to sit on the couch and watch my show. I deserve to devote the rest of today to myself.” OR… Do we do self-care as a way to say, “I’m tired. I’m giving what I’ve got left in my life, but it’s not great. I’m giving 50% where I should be giving 80%. I have no energy left to even enjoy playing with my dog or my kids. I have no energy left to cook dinner or to have a conversation with my loved one or to check in on my best friend.” I’m not saying that coming home from a long day and plopping down in your favorite chair with a glass of wine is bad. No way. I’m saying… what is the motivation behind it? Is it because you’ve had a crappy day or is it because you’ve had a crappy day AND you want to have a minute to recharge so that tomorrow you can go back out there and give your 100% again?

As Christians, I think a couple things need to happen when it comes to self-care.

First, I think we need to understand our motivations behind why we do it. I get up early, I work full-time, I go get my hair done, I teach a musicianship class once a week, I do face masks 2x a week BECAUSE… I think it makes me a better mom. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel energized. It makes me feel calm and prepared. When I feel those things, I have more energy, more patience, more compassion, more confidence to be a better mom, teacher, wife, and friend. If we are doing these things selfishly, then I think it will eventually drain our energy from those areas. If I were doing it to ONLY make myself feel better, I would be a worse mom, an impatient teacher, a less-loving wife, and a needy friend.

Second, I think we need to remind ourselves of the Christian aspect of self-care. We were put on this earth to be servants, right? To take care of those in need, to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, love the unloved. If we are putting so much of our energy into other areas that we have NONE left for the people that need it, then how can we be servants? If we are serving the wrong people, the wrong motivations, the wrong energy, we will have no energy left for the people that need it. When we are servants to others, we should be energetic, passionate, compassionate, prepared, calm, patient, loving, (insert your own adjective here), servants. If we are constantly drained and have not taken the time to recharge our own batteries, how will we serve others? How can we share love and patience if we have none left?

Self-care is NOT selfish. Are you recharging so that you can continue to make the world a better place? Are you recharging so that you can be a better person for your friends, family, community, co-workers? Are you recharging so that you can feel closer to God? Are you recharging so that you can start with a fresh slate tomorrow? Are you recharging so that you can feel more relaxed, less worried, and less stressed out about life and the world? I urge you to think about that in the coming weeks… especially when holiday season is approaching. Take time for yourself, ABSOLUTELY. It’s so important! Take time to clear your heart so that there’s room for more love to give. Take time to clear your head so that there is space for clear thoughts and kind words. Take time to clear your life so that you can give more of it to others while making this world a better place and sharing the love that is so desperately needed.

That is why I’m awake right now at 11:29pm on a Monday night. I am PAINFULLY aware of the alarm clock I have set for tomorrow morning, BUT I also know, that by getting this out of my head, through my fingers and onto the screen in front of me, I have emptied my head, heart, and life, and gotten rid of something that was weighing me down. Now, I can wake up tomorrow feeling clear, calm, and ready to serve my family, students, co-workers, friends, and anyone else that may cross my path AND I can greet them in love because I’ve made room for it tonight.

Love and Peace.

Table of Love

Well, school is fully back in swing and taking over everything. The first couple of weeks weren’t too bad as far as time management goes. The last 2 weeks have been nuts. I’m doing my best to keep home life and work life balanced and by balanced I mean 70% home and 30% work. 80/20 would be perfect, but that rarely happens. I’ve had this thought process in my head about what life should be like and I’m pretty sure that it’s not being a workaholic. I want to give my best to my kids at school while also giving my absolute best to my family. It’s a constant adjustment, so we’ll see how it goes.

With the world the way it is today the main thought that’s been on my brain is just love. If you’ve seen the movie “Mean Girls” I’m the one asking the rest of the school to just get along and share cupcakes and rainbows or whatever it is. I understand that we disagree on a lot of things, I really do get that. Does that mean, in turn, that we have to be rude about it? I’m sure there’s a quote somewhere that says something like… no opinions were ever changed by arguing about something. Hubby and I have discussed recently the difference between being a voice and presence of love and change vs. being a “clanging cymbal.” When we get into disagreements are we just shouting at each other because we don’t want to be wrong or are we having calm, respectful conversations in love? And by “in love” I don’t mean when we say, “look, I love you, BUT…” I mean, do we ACTUALLY love each other?

“Come to the table of love, Come to the table of love. This is God’s table, it’s not yours or mine. Come to the table of love.”

We sang that this morning in church. That verse in particular stuck with me. I’d like to think that if we approached life the same way that we approach communion on Sundays, that we’d be treating each other a bit better. When we sit down with someone to have a conversation (not an argument over a computer)… Do we say to ourselves, I’m going to have this conversation in love. This is a conversation that I want to have Godly wisdom while having. This is a person that I truly care about, not even just because they are a special person to me, but because they are a human being and it is my job to care about human beings. So, when I sit down with this person, I need to commit to having this conversation in love, while also being open-minded that I could be wrong and that listening to someone might improve my relationship with them OR even improve my point of view or understanding of a situation.

I’m okay with us disagreeing, but so often it is done out of pride for not wanting to be “wrong.” When I look at Selah, I see someone who is innocent and curious. She is smart and hard-headed. She smiles at almost anyone. She is a beautiful little thing and I can’t stay mad at her… even when she wakes us up at 2am (which isn’t often because she’s an angel). I say all of this because… children just don’t care. They are curious about the world. They WANT to learn more about it and sometimes I feel like the older we get, the more close-minded we become. Instead of looking at a situation, judging it, and making our own opinion… maybe we should be a bit more like children. Look at a situation, become curious about it, truly ask questions and LISTEN to the answers… rather than assuming we know everything about it and not listening to anyone else when they give their 2 cents.

People are human beings with lives, feelings, emotions, situations that we know nothing about it. Let us try to come to the table with a little more love. It can’t hurt.

The Reason I Hate “Kids These Days”

I apologize for the clickbait title, but I couldn’t help myself.  I’ve been working on this post for a while now.  Editing it, reading it over and over, and basically just trying to decide whether or not I sound too judgmental or like I’m coming down on one group of people.  At this point, I can’t read it again and if someone is offended by it, then I think they’ve missed the point. So, here we go…

Okay, I know some of you are thinking “you hate kids?? You are definitely in the wrong profession!” but hold on… let me explain.  I absolutely hate when I hear people say “kids these days…” This statement is usually followed by one of the following or something similar:

  • they are so rude and disrespectful.
  • they are always on their phones.
  • they are growing up faster.
  • they know too much for their age.
  • they only care about themselves.
  • they don’t know how to use their imagination.

and on and on and on…

I hear stuff like this ALL.  THE.  TIME.  Maybe it’s part of being a teacher, idk. While I agree with many of these statements, the tone behind them is what irritates the hec out of me.  Sometimes people say these things like it’s all the kids’ fault, as if they were just born that way, but let’s look at these and break them down.

The one I hear the most is:  “Kids these days are so disrespectful.  They are so rude and negative towards any authority figure.  They can’t even look me in the eye when I’m talking to them.”  Well, let me tell you something… I don’t know about you, but I didn’t come out of my mother’s womb knowing how to do those things.  I wasn’t born with perfect social manners.  i wasn’t born with the ability to be a great conversationalist or to say “yes, ma’am” or “no, sir.”  I was taught those things.   I was told by my parents that I needed to be respectful.  I was taught how to do this and why it was important.  They first taught me to “honor your father and mother.”  Then through respecting my parents I learned that it’s just as important to respect other adults.  They taught me through verbal instruction AND modeling for me how I was supposed to behave.  If a kid doesn’t have a parent, mentor, guide, older sibling, leader, etc… to show them how to do this and to teach them that it’s the right thing, then how will they know to do this?  If they watch their parent, guide, mentor, etc. be disrespectful to those around them, how else will they know?

Another one I hear a lot is: “Kids these days only care about themselves.”  Once again, while many people are born with a gift for caring for others, we still learn by watching the examples that are given in life.  I was taught to care about others.  I was shown how to care for someone else, first and foremost, by watching how my mom and dad cared for each other, then by watching how they cared for me and my sister.  I watched them care for the youth at church.  I watched Dad pack a box for a homeless man near his work almost every winter.  I watched both parents and my older sister go on missions trips.  My parents, teachers, pastor, and friends showed me how important it was and why it was important to care about others needs.  If kids are never shown how or told why, how else will they know?

“Kids these days are always on their phones.  They have no imagination because they never get outside and play or read books or, etc…”  I’m just gonna come right out and say… I see more adults texting and driving than I do teens.  Kids learn by watching someone else.  Yes, kids are on their phones, but more and more SO ARE ADULTS.  If you don’t want your kid to be on their phone, take it away and put yours away too!  Technology has opened up so many social avenues and I think it’s amazing!  Kids are able to connect with each other in so many ways.  Maybe it’s my age, but I don’t think these avenues are inherently bad.  I use social media to keep in contact with a friend in Prague, to send pictures and messages to friends from college, to talk to my sister in the Dominican Republic, to send my husband texts during the day, to get pictures of my child when I miss her at work, etc.  The point is, there is a right and wrong way to use social media.  There is a right and wrong time to use social media.  In fear of belaboring the point… this.  has.  to.  be.  taught.  Just like everything I’ve said above, behaviors are learned.  If you don’t think church is the time to have the phone out, teach the kid that.  If they shouldn’t have it at the dinner table, then teach them that.  If they’re in a social situation and they haven’t looked up in 30 seconds to look at someone else in the room, then let them know that it’s time to put the phone away.  These behaviors are taught.

Lastly, “kids are growing up faster these days.  They know too much, too fast.”  Just take a second and think about what has changed the most during the past 50 years?  Our access to knowledge.  We have technology at our fingertips, constantly.  There are phones, ipads, computers, internet, along with every other resource we had before.  I’ve never realized how many restaurants have TV’s before we started trying to keep Selah away from screens.  They are EVERYWHERE.  Even in my own house.  Kids are using technology at home AND at school.  They are exposed to so much information all the time.  This is great in so many ways, especially in education.  The downside is that this makes it more difficult to monitor what they can be exposed to.  Even if, as parents/mentors/teachers, we are diligent about vetting what kids watch or see, there are some things we just can’t stop them from hearing or seeing.  Whether it be through friends, music on the radio, in books they read, etc… they will hear or see something.  Just the other night we were watching March Madness and a commercial came on that (in the words of a facebook friend) was more like a sex ed class than a car commercial.  The point is that March Madness is a family thing.  Plenty of kids stay up to watch it.  I sure did when I was little.  If a child picks up on what is happening, then the parent is forced to have a conversation before they or even their child is ready.  The parents have to make a decision between talking to them before either is prepared vs. letting their kids find out through a friend at school.  Most of the time, these friends have wrong information or tells more than they need to.  I could go on and on about this one, but I’ll stop for now.  Technology and media are at the root of this problem.

I hate the phrase “kids these days” because “kids these days” are bombarded with all sorts of issues that I never had to deal with, much less my parents, or grandparents generation.  They are smothered in body image issues everywhere they look; sexual innuendos in every song, commercial, or tv show; bullying; social media problems; so many activities that demand their time… and parents, teachers, mentors, that NEVER had these problems and are trying to guide these children through all of it.  We cannot pretend like they have it just as easy as we did.  They are exposed to so much and if they don’t have guidance and love, they are bound to get lost.

I’ll finish with this:  The students I have had in school are self-conscious, kind, loyal, pleading for attention, eager to please, courageous, funny, talented, good kids.  Some are troubled and misunderstood and desperately need love.  Next time you see a kid on their phone, don’t assume that they are wasting their time.  They could be speaking with a friend or reading a book.  Next time a kid doesn’t look you in the eye, don’t assume that they are being rude.  Maybe they have learned by experience to not look adults in the eye.  Have some compassion, try to understand the world they are growing up in, teach them in love, and always give them a second chance.