My next few posts will be about Selah, pregnancy, and her birth. I’ll try not to be too graphic and I’ll give you a warning ahead of time if something is going to be TMI. This one’s pretty safe 🙂
When I found out I was pregnant, I honestly had no idea what I was getting into. I would like to say that I kept it to myself and came up with a great way to surprise Taylor with the news. I would like to say that I started journaling from Day 1 and kept record of every tiny little feeling, thought and emotion. I would LOVE to say that I was 100% prepared for the changes about to happen. However… as soon as I found out, I walked into the other room where Taylor sat and said something like… “I think I’m pregnant.” Instead of journaling, I had a baby notebook that I went back to a month after each pregnancy milestone was hit and did my best to remember what had happened. Instead of being prepared, I probably read 50% of Mayo Clinic’s What to Expect. I didn’t even buy that book. My insurance company sent it to me for free. My best friend will tell you that I read one chapter ahead of what I needed to know for that week of pregnancy. I was too afraid to read too far ahead.
I am usually a very prepared person. I like planning ahead. No… I love planning ahead. I like making plans even more than I like doing the actual thing I’ve planned for. (Nesting was a serious problem for me.) With pregnancy, I think ignorance was bliss. Not knowing what was going to happen in the months ahead actually made me a) enjoy it while it was actually happening b) not stress out about it or think about it too much ahead of time.
I had a relatively easy pregnancy. (I know, I know. You’re never supposed to say that. But, hey. I’m being honest here, right?) During the first trimester, I had very slight nausea. I hadn’t figured out what to do about it until one day at work, we had a hot chocolate bar. There was a little bowl filled with red hots and I grabbed a handful. I ate the red hots and sipped on a ginger ale and BAM! Immediately, the nausea was gone. My students noticed I was eating a lot of red hots and started bringing them to me at school. Once I got to the second trimester, the nausea went away and heartburn took its place. I couldn’t even look at a red hot without getting horrible indigestion. Today, I have two huge jars full of red hots because I’m too afraid to eat them.
Around 8 weeks, I couldn’t keep the secret anymore so Taylor told our parents and a few close friends and family. Then we naturally let the word spread. I posted a picture of Selah’s ultrasound that had her footprint. For whatever reason, that picture of her little foot stuck with me throughout the rest of the pregnancy.
As she began to grow inside me, there were many thoughts that touched me. I took communion every Sunday at the Lutheran church I attended in Dallas. For whatever reason, taking communion with this child growing inside of me made me super emotional. It was a very intimate, spiritual moment every single Sunday and I will never forget how special that way.
We also decided along the way that I didn’t want to deliver in a hospital, but a birthing center. If you had asked me 5 years ago what I would choose, I would say, um… hospital with all the drugs please! Then a few years ago, my best friend recommended I watch this documentary on Netflix. It was about birthing centers. It was extremely biased and that was evident, BUT… it started me thinking. I was still pretty set on hospital and all the drugs, but I thought home births or birthing centers were pretty beautiful. Then I read a blog written by a friend of mine who chose to have her baby at a birthing center called “Baby & Co.” The idea of birthing in a hospital became less and less appealing. Not being able to move or eat or go home when I wanted, not being able to feel when I should push or not, not being able to feel how far along I was just made me feel NOT in control… and I HATE not feeling in control. I started doing some research and found two Baby & Co’s in NC. The great thing about Baby & Co… let me change that… one of the many great things about Baby & Co is the fact that everything is so relaxed. The baby’s health is paramount, you have choices, they don’t treat you like a patient. They treat you like you’re an actual person. I never had to get there 30 minutes before my doctor’s appointment. They ALWAYS scheduled me after work so I wouldn’t have to take off work to be there. They were so kind and friendly. At the time, I was unsure where we would be living, but I was hoping it was within 30 minutes of Baby & Co.
By the time we moved back to NC, I was feeling Selah move and kick and stretch. I could feel her move when I was singing or when there was a loud noise. The heartburn was in full gear and I, often, couldn’t tell the difference between not being hungry and fear of eating because of heartburn. After we got back to NC, time flew by. I started working at Stanley so I had something to keep me occupied during the day. After work, I’d be on my feet for HOURS, just nesting. I was unpacking things, washing clothes, vacuuming the nursery for the 10th time that week. It was 10:30pm and I wanted so badly to go to sleep, but I seriously could not. There were clothes to be folded and I wanted to put the car seat in, and fold blankets, and sterilize bottles, and do everything I could.
I packed my birthing “go-bag” at like… 32 weeks. I packed the diaper bag that same week. I was soooo ready for Selah to get here. I had originally planned on working until I went into labor. Then I got to 38 weeks and started to doubt my perseverance.
Can you see it in my face? Kill me now, please. I’m so done with this. At 39 weeks, I said, “That’s it. Friday is my last day. I can’t do this anymore. My feet hurt, I’m tired all the time. All I want to do is clean the house and make sure everything is ready.” So, I took off on Friday, October 14th. I slept as much as I could on Saturday & Sunday and that’s when the fun started.
Part 2 coming soon!